I am in shock, speechless, horrified, overwhelmed by grief for those here in Connecticut, who lost so many children, and other loved ones today, at the hand of yet another madman with a gun… I am also filled with a bizarre, twisted sense relief, and gratitude that my children are not among the dead!
This one hit me really, really hard. When first told about it, I could not believe or deal with it, so I went about my work numbly. Then, as the workday ended, I went online and began to participate in the outpouring of emotion, and finally watched the news videos….I cried. It’s not because this one happened only 20 miles from my home, or that this tragedy is more or less dreadful than other tragedies. I think it is because the frequency, ferocity and the toll taken by recent tragedies–of both natural and unnatural/human origins–have all increased, unrelenting, without enough time in between, to heal and reconcile with the demons of this world. And I say this even though I have not yet lost a loved one to a gunman, zealot or natural disaster, because my human heart is broken by the losses of others, and it was broken again today.
What to do with all these feelings? A writer writes, right? So I wrote…30 or more haiku and senyru all related to the shooting in CT today. When I finally tried to post a few of them here, it seemed so weird, insufficient, and inadequate, that I needed to write a little explanation to accompany all the haiku and senyru. As you can see, fueled by emotions, the preface turned into several paragraphs – I could not stop myself! I hope you will not think this is trite or maudlin, but I present some of the many pieces I wrote this evening, while I emoted, expressed, and vented my horror, anger, fear and other emotions through the keyboard… Perhaps you will find some solace or answers in these haiku/senyru, or simply share in the flood of emotions, and find strength in the sharing…
2. I’m speechless / but horror must spill / into words.
3. I’m so horrified / I scream at the universe! / What else can I do?
4. I ask why / there are no answers / which make sense.
5. Forgive us / for that of which we’re / capable.
6. No more proof / that demons exist / is needed.
7. They walk among us / demons appearing human / awaiting release.
8. Another horror / no less horrific though it’s / not the first or last.
9. Immediately / I needed to hear the sounds / of my own child’s voice.
10. Just when you thought / you could not bear more bad news / you find that you must.
11. There’s not enough wine / to drown all sorrows, demons / of humanity.
12. Ashamed of humans / we keep creating horror / of such magnitude!
13. I am so saddened / horrified but determined / to fight for what’s right.*
*This last one was actually written on 1/8/11 after the shooting of Gabby Giffords and 16 (?) other people in Arizona by a madman/zealot/gunman…
It’s not my best haiku/senyru work, but they needed to be written…
– The Haikook